greg steele's ramblings

Life is a do-over

Today I sit here perplexed.

My life is a do-over. That idea as a kid that whatever happened before, doesn’t count. That you can go back to the point in time where something changed that you didn’t like, and do things differently. And hopefully have a different outcome.

As some (of my few reader) know, my wife of the past 9 years and partner to me for the past 13 decided over the past 15 months or so that she no longer preferred to be married.

And all manner of planning, of sense of determination, of knowing what the future held disappeared in what felt like a moment, but in reality took months.

And aside from the sadness, the hurt and the anger, I am left with a sincere problem.

The problem of too many choices.

For over the past 8 years, I have not held, in the traditional sense, a job. Certainly I did work daily. I raised my boys, I ran my house, I elevated our nutrition and cared about all goings on domestic. I even coached some cyclists to success in my personal time.

But what that look like on a professional resume, a gaping 8 year hole of not recieving a W2?

If I came to you, would you hire me? Would I get even past your HR department’s initial screening?

So, I have to take another tact.

Look at the possibilities and were to go from here. As I mentioned to a very good friend just this past week, I desire to do something that is not merely vocation, but a marriage of vocation with avocation.

I want to do something with my life whereby I make something that adds value to this world.
I want to do something that is cognizant of the environment and courteous to it as well.
I want to do something that I have a passion for and makes me happy.

In the words of Llyod Dobler:

I don’t want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don’t want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don’t want to do that.

So, where do that lead me?

I feel there are several paths for me to chose. None of them easy, none of them clear right now. None of them that doesn’t require me to invest a significant amount of my time and resources to make happen.

And none of them can be done simultaneously. Soon, very soon, I will have to pick a path and commit.

And that is terribly frightening.

-g